Essay 1 Revised
  After reading my colleagues work and sharing ideas, I realized I could improve my essay by including more examples and check my grammar. I'm proud of the result. Hope you enjoy reading it!

Do you believe that a complete connection between people is more significant than an utterly love for one's country? I agree with E.M Fosters view that personal relations  are more significant than patriotism. Personal Relations is referred to as an immediate connection between family, friends, and partnerships. Family, the idea of family is a high priority; family comes first. Families are always there for you through thick and thin. Families always embrace their love for you. They are the individuals who have known you since the day you've laid your eyes upon this place we call earth. Friends, they are the ones who have know you for a long period of time. A friend is someone who you can talk to about a situation, they are the individuals you can trust and tell your deepest darkest secrets and they are always there to lend a hand. Partnerships, they are the romantic partners who are exceedingly close to you. Partnerships create this special bond of mutual affection. It's important to retain a personal relations, studies show that retaining a personal relation is healthy for one. Personal relation creates a long life span for one and it helps those dealing with stress. On the other hand, without a personal relation it can lead to a detrimental to your health and can lead to depression. Patriotism is the feeling of love and admiration for a nation. For instance, The Pledge of Allegiance is a showing that you care, admire and love your country. Not only does The Pledge of Allegiance show this great sense of pride but it's also "important" to teach the young in showing their pride for their country and to teach them that it's important to help your country. But one can get too carried away with patriotism leading to great dispute and breaking laws, when in fact they say they are very patriotic. More likely, patriotism can lead to war. I'm not patriotic, why show this sense of pride when "your country" doesn't even show the love and protect you garner from your family. Why stand for your country when it doesn't even stand beside you.  Ultimately, I agree with E.M Foster that personal relations is worldly than patriotism.